May Reflection ( 1 post, 1 Month of creative thinking)

May Reflection Round two: I lost my first entry😢 So from my memory!

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May began with the feelings of spring renewal, as the previous months had been shuttered, isolated and so much not stirring. As May began, I felt hope, the kind that you feel within, spiritually I had been blessed to begin Bible Study with a few close ladies, and reading myself as I do, geared me into focus. I as many in fields of work that "can't stop" remained very much "business as usual" in that I did not have a "human routine" altered and I sympathize to many that did, I however, opposite of those staying home did not have my coming to a grasp of my inner feelings associated with these very vulnerable times.

I found that once my school semester wrapped up, and my son completed his sophomore year, I could give myself permission to embrace my emotions! And well...It hit in waves as often as it had too, you know some days you were"good" thankful and knew you had been blessed today! I was focused, as necessary, but also, breaking daily! You know, it's healing to finally just break, it hurts very much, and you must allow the process, time and you, as well, to let those tears flow, deep hurts must surface, and I had plenty, ideally it was in the beginning that it was wrapped around so much change so fast and daily within my little family. I discovered that, that process was not my final destination, however, I was going to my deepest, hardest areas, places that many years- many, I had let go untended, and frankly as I have concluded "auto piloted" through parts of life, and that reality hurt deep.| https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201811/how-stop-living-life-autopilot | My personal walk, my united walk in marriage, parenting, and care-giving, smacked around my little boat, I was in the depths of it! And much of my studies, associate with Behavioral and Social Sciences, so therapeutic measures began...you know, one wave at a time. | https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-brain-in-defense-mode-how-dissociation-helps-us-survive-0429155 | I know without my even thought I had clung to God, My faith, My being in place of fear of facing areas, I'd realized (me, past-hurts) I wreaked, scratched myself up, bandaged over and never truly gave self-care of importance...| https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/5-daily-habits-that-can-help-you-stay-out-of-autopilot-mode-0227184 | care-giving had done it's own toll on me, my relationships, myself! I conclude( I do not find it disappointing) that I did my path( I only find, I hurt that "I" hurt many while doing it).." My stubborn innate character" does not give up, or in often enough, now speaking prior youth, young adulthood- high independence- environmental raising I culminated! However, life, marriage- is not one-sided, that's the blessing in that gift of marriage, two come together to help the other...I seen (1 sided parenting so much, I failed to recognize I was hurting my very gift in my spouse). I can only say, I'm eternally grateful and heartfully indebted to His amazing care, love and understanding in all my forms, walks and to this gift of healing- I did not forsee my "40" being a mixture of more self awareness, self acceptance, self healing and opening up many "deep- hid" past moments(areas that my fight overtook flight) and I reason, blocked out and did what I had too! My mind sided do, each area had to arise, to let me do that- Arise, begin renewed, breakthrough the comfort zones of my inner mind, and take hand of my "deep inner need" to restore my once "love-vibrant" self and share one beautiful step, day, and moment at a time with my spouse- our marriage, our son-"our little family". I highly encourage and recommend healing- even if you can't recall having any area, you more than often do, it's just been suppressed so long- for all of life's demands...breathe, embrace, heal & LIVE light.

| https://ymi.today/2015/08/the-importance-of-healing-from-within/ |

May blessings, happy restoration, healthy self love and healing to become your best self in ...Love of Self, Love of Others and Love of Living.

Verse's & Quotes of May

2 Samuel 22:36 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great. https://bibliajfa.com.br/app/kjv_apocrypha/10O/22/36

James 1:2-5 New King James Version (NKJV)

Profiting from Trials 2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces [a]patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be [b]perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Footnotes

James 1:3 endurance or perseverance James 1:4 mature

Hebrews 6:10

“For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.”

"And the Day Came When the Risk to Remain Tight In a Bud Was More Painful Than the Risk It Took to Blossom." - Anais Nin.