2022

2022 Life Growth, Heartache, New seeds, New Wine, Restoration, Fulfilled Growth

January, you were my hard, for I had to face loss, a career that I had passionately pursued 14 1/2 years. I was aligned, spiritually, You spoke-Move- I could not delay, I gave every part over to faith, the Alabaster of life,

https://youtu.be/hoFeWN6QPuc

learned 1 day, 1 step at a time-again, the C19 virus once more, knocked upon our door, This was Nigel first then onto me, separated, healing, praying, and trusting in you once more...I know how much I was loved, even though my unknown was beginning. My mother-in-law then became sick, hospitalized, uncertain of the long haul, I had so many thoughts...and as I spoke within, where you call, I will be, I know how graciously the Lord helped me collect each part of my (control), I walked into that unknown place, but only long enough to fulfill His cause.

February- You like January were devastating, My mother-in-law had diagnosis that once more stopped our steps, we only could pause, sit with the waiting, and then gain the next treatments... Only to be released and celebrate her birthday, to walk into my father-in-laws illness and our enormous loss of his light, his role, his constant in so many of our lives.

I was still walking out of major life transitional emotions, toughest to explain when so many can't relate, please pause to understand Major life changes, and Death, bring about huge inner cycled battles. Please, if you ever go through major changes,  lose a loved one, grieve- do not think that it will be a quick fix- you will walk, live, and carry it...it means you grew, learned, loved, and you were true and treasured the moments...grief is always real life dealings- cry, reflect, but do not silence it.

March- You were bringing new struggles, the heartache felt like hope was being strangled, our home, was back in a hard emotional  healing process, restoration felt so far away...though it was not the same Celebration of marriage, our life we knew was in a major heartbreak,  and we were so worn and not able to actively figure much of it out.

April- You provided needed healing waters, a moment to take in tears, accomplishment, new opportunity, and a little renewed clarity. You made the prior months of so much take a pause, to fathom, to hold tighter, to focus more, Christ was doing what He does best- working in the details....

May- Oh sweet May, you came to bring tears, birthdays, graduation memories, togetherness, hope that could be what kept us afloat, unknown possibilities, and new horizons.

June- You revealed so much, places of work, co-workers, life, releasing of old weight, growth, new beginning. Warmth, fresh garden vegetables, and new garden growth, new things were coming from the seeds of sorrow and shed tears, hope once more doing it's growing.

July- Phases, beginnings, accomplishment in healing, new light shedding on thoughts, could this be a passion in the process, is my being seeing this manifest, verge of happiness, savoring of the quiet time. Possibilities once more...new adventure being brought forth, new college transition and changes for our small home...New sights, new views, more 2 hr round trip drives, while seeking just a glimpse of rest.

August- Prayers, unknowns, can this be the start of healing, Lord I feel so much uncertainty, restoring is so very slow, grasping you control once more. New school year, Freshman and now my final Senior college year, heart twinges, smiles, graciousness, scaredness, can I embrace hope once more.

September- Fall temperatures, new sights, new experiences, reflections from the months that we trekked, challenging studies, new law books, research, new learning, in-person class teachings, holding on to let go, pondering, how much is faith forward look and can I hold it to the very reality- it's You Lord coming through or I fall. Realization, Your already there. Hope...is really manifested in these many tears, all these faith only unknowns, growth...19...our sunshine, our young man, stepping along through his college plans, so many prayers, so many quiet shed tears, help me Lord... I desperately need the Holy Spirit to come once more- Hope is on the brink, I am in deep need of rekindling.

October- Uncertainty, new big possibilities, life changes, mental health, Tear filled pillows, glory will be in my thanksgiving, praising you in all the seasons and finding how to direct my Focus on you. College visits, weekends at home to visit, student adventure updates, hard to grasp studies, working through research projects, how can I find the right words, tears slipping down my face, will you catch them, collect them, and once more use this for good...how can I do this...Really! Changes, so many, so fast....pause, I need to breathe, I need a real moment to settle, Did I do that- again, trying to control- yes, but it will only last a brief moment.

November- Restoring so much brokenness, deeply recessed emotions, multiple facets of unknowns, fogginess of so much uncertainty, family changes, I must step back, can't keep this pace, it hurts too much, I can t breathe with so much weight! I need to find how to recollect my being- well- maybe, no, yes, spontaneity, much needed scenery, hurt and healing colliding, my heart can't bear to watch much more. Keep the step, see it in the sand, holy spirit visits, family time, College talks, where in the world- these expenses, worn, heart heavy, what do I do? Thanksgiving, simple...this is what I can do...

What- where in the world did that come from! Unforeseen Exits, new plans, again in unknowns, mind is really entrenched- please get prepared yet again...-reset.  Accomplishment, wait.

December- Finally, a year of fruition, new hope planted, new beginning, final semester, last books, our sunshines college goals- unknown, release- please, take a much needed break, but work, new development, loss once more, why is this so hard, not sure how I can do this... Gifting kindness, a blessed joy in the hard, Christmas Break, pausing completely, Snow storm for the history making...no thanks, stocked food in case, family time, again needed fellowship, can we really do this... reflection, is it okay to embrace calm, really sleep, savor crafts, new therapeutics- hope, unknowns, wait, really! This is us- together, wait for it, remembrance, expressions, joys, tears, repeat... Life, reality, human condition, I am here! I need to shine through these tears- I can no longer put limits on Christ, His plans are perfect for me, for us, for where he guides, he provides- uncomfortable...yes, growth...yes, don't turn back...only to see where you have come from, release...the negatives, breathe...new life possibilities, Your in Faith- Filled mode....Pause...its okay, Reflect...please to see His mercy, Grieve, as long as it takes...all of the life we truly gave...its phasing, Rejoice...in the lessons, the hurts and the unresolved, laugh...because it is great medicine, live...because many of the ones you love are along for the views- Keep It Simple, round Two, it's been a pleasure and a real joy!

New Year Horizon- Mode of many paths, Creations to come, healing to continue, learning to be maintained, growing expected, expanding...the mind, loving with every ounce, living fully, Keeping the focus on Christ's calling, finishing projects, final semester, senior year-career goals and aspirations, Where you Lead I follow...no more room to question, Step out of the boat, look to me- I promised you then, and I remind you again, I hold the next breath, the Beat in your chest, I know your Thoughts before you think them, I am in Christ's hands- together-family first, get to the reality of truly living, keep it simple ...live Simply so others can simply live...and may we all agree with... Amen.